Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
