When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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