I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
