I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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