How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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