I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
