If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
