At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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