I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
