I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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