When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
