thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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