were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
