Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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