Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
