There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
