The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
