A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
