i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
