I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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Just high enough for therapy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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