I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
