no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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