Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
