if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
