Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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