She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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