She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
