I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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