she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
