There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
