Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
