If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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