I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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