ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
