what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
