Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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