Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
