somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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