That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
