I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
