Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
