Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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