Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
