Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
