I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
