i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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