can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
