Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
be right there i have to get my cape
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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