went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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