Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
