I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
