I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
