Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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