So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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