just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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