I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
