Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize