He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
