I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
