standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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