do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
