No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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