So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
