Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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