He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
