It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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