it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
