But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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